Observation Man
by united states of fail
Summary: In which Toph is stubborn and Sokka is pedantic.


A/N: One shot in the name of writer's block. I seem to be experiencing a lot of this lately. Ah well. Feel free to review. Or flame. Flames will be used for end-of-summer campfires. Good times.

"How the hell did you manage to do this again?"

Toph snarled slightly as he gave a particularly sharp tug at her hair.

"I told you, my mom insisted that I wear this torture device at her stupid party. I tried to take it down afterwards, and it got stuck. Now shut up and get it out."

"You'd think your mom would have caught on by now about you and hair pieces. Remember that tiara?"

She chuckled slightly. "Course I do. Where'd I have you bury it again-OW! DAMN IT. That's it. Where's a knife?"

"I am not cutting this out of your hair. No way. No."

"You're not going to sit here and keep tearing my hair out. Either you're going to help me or I'll do it myself."

"Here. Let me at least find a girl to do it."

"Why won't you just do it?"

"Um, because I don't know what I'm doing?"

"Neither do any of them."

"Come on now. My sister knows how to do her hair. It can't be that much different."

"Yes, but cutting hair is different. You cut your own hair all the time."

"Correction: I shave my own hair all the time. There's quite a difference between shaving and cutting."

"Not really."

"Yes really. Shaving removes hair directly at the scalp, where as cutting leaves any given amount of hair behind."

"Well aren't we feeling pedantic today?"

"Yes, we are. And no, I am not going to cut your hair."

"How about a trim? Would that satisfy you?"

"Well...no, because the amount of hair that's tangled into this stupid thing would involve removing more hair than typical for a trim, making it a cut."

"Then why don't you just _cut_ it?"

"_Because I don't know what I'm doing."_

"Damn it, Snoozles! I don't want your sister cutting my hair!"

"Why not?"

"Because you're always making fun of her stupid hair loopies!"

"So?"

"She's going to give me stupid hair loopies, and you're going to make fun of me, and I'm going to have to kick your ass, and then you're going to sit there and whine about it!"

"I wouldn't whine!"

"Yes you would! You're doing it right now!"

"No I'm not! I'm getting defensive!"

"That's because you know I'm right!"

"No, you're not! You're being immature! She would just be cutting your hair, and even if she gave you loopies, you could just take them down!"

"But then they might get tangled up, and I'd have to ask you to help me take them out, and we might have to do this all over again."

"...wait, what- no they wouldn't! Just have her do your hair, damn it!"

"Hmm...no."

Just then, Suki wandered by. "Hey guys, if you want someone to cut her hair, I'll do it.

"See, there you go. Perfect. Suki doesn't have any hair loopies to worry about, so no risk there. Happy?"

"Nope."

"WHY NOT?"

"Because Suki wears her hair really short, and she might get a little too into it and cut off all my hair."

"You were okay with me possibly shaving all your hair off."

"Yes, well, that's different."

"Oh yeah. Much better to wind up totally bald than just with short hair."

"Yup. Sorry, Suki."

"Um...it's okay?"

"Look, you can't just wander around with that thing in your hair for all eternity. Who, besides me, do you want to cut your hair?"

"Hmm...Zuko's girlfriend has pretty decent hair."

"Creepy knife girl? That's fine. Suki, go get Creepy knife girl."

"She has a name, you know."

"Yes, but Creepy knife girl just suits her so well."

Suki rolled her eyes and wandered away to locate Creepy knife girl.

"She's not creepy so much as gloomy."

"Gloomy, creepy, knife-obsessed, it's all the same really."

"Yeah, but it's not accurate enough. Not like Combustion Man."

"Oh yeah! I totally forgot about him. What a way to go."

"Poor Sparky Sparky Boom Man."

"...We're in the Earth Kingdom."

"Behold, folks, Observation Man! Able to observe things really, really well! Be afraid."

"Creepy knife girl is in the Fire Nation."

"A double strike! Observation Man is on a roll! What will he observe next?"

"You sent Suki away on purpose."

"Great Badger moles! You're astonishing! Tell me, do you do shows?"

"I AM NOT GOING TO CUT YOUR HAIR."

"What's really sad is that you fell for it."

"She did too."

"Nope, she's right over there."

"Oh..."

"Now we can do this the easy way, or I can bend you into a hole and leave you there overnight to help you make up your mind."

"...if you wind up bald, it's your own fault."

"If I wind up bald, I'll just bury you alive."

And with that, the two of them sat down, and he proceeded to give her a very nice, even haircut. She buried him anyway.


End file.
